You might belong in Gryffindor
Where dwell the brave at heart.
Their daring, nerve and chivalry
Set Gryffindor apart.

Got my red cloak rockin' and my chamber door knockin'
Got my Firebolt poppin', Hogwarts pride, no stoppin'

Y'all can catch me on the quad with my Lion pack,
My patronus kickin' like a Horntail dragon on crack—
Cross me twice, then you're lookin' at a wizard attack,
But fuck dem Unforgivable Curses 'cause that shit is whack.

Take the Quidditch title yearly like a Horcrux takes your soul,
'Cause our seeker is your savior and our keeper's like a black hole.

Pissin' on dem Slytherins, beat 'em by the billions,
Stop 'em when they silly and kick 'em like Brazilians.

Sectumsempra? Ha! Come on, bitch, please,
I just think Expelliarmus and you're down on your knees, 'cause,

Lions rule the jungle, just go and check the scoreboard:
Potter, SloMo, SmallFry, Dumbledore,
When I finish off the roster, you'll be beggin for more,
So check the crimson, mother fucker, I'm in Gryffindor
BITCH

Bitch, I got that Gryffindor Swag, Swag,
Wavin' high my red and gold flag, flag,
You know my Patronus is a stag, stag,
We finna blow, Incendio, Who-a-a.

Save the world, but we don't brag, brag,
Dealin' with Dementors is a drag, drag,
Got that House Cup in the bag, bag,
Let haters hate, Obliviate, He-e-ey.

Rollin' up to King's Cross, red and gold thuggin',
While I'm practicin' my charms, all you muggles mean-muggin',
Got more gold than a goblin on an episode of Hoarders,
On a scale of 1-10, I'm a 9 and three quarters,

Catch me at the Great Hall, chowin' on that fondue,
Hangin' with my dudes Harry, Hermione and Ron, too,
Layin' out our plans for a trip to Hogsmeade,
Sippin' on that Butterbeer and tokin' on that Gillyweed,

Attendin' to the dress code—cloaks, not midriffs,
You say that I don't got swag? Don't be such a hippogriff,
I'm sick of all the shit that Gryffindors gotta put up with,
Like hatin' emanatin' from Death Eaters with a death wish.

Yup, the name's SloMo, bitch, you know how I do—
Conjure up a love potion so you'll take me for thai food.
Dumbledore sextin' me, swearin' he ain't gay,
All the wizards wanna hit it, but I tell 'em, "Put your wands away!"

Bitch, I got that Gryffindor Swag, Swag,
Wavin' high my crimson gold flag, flag,
You know my Patronus is a stag, stag,
We finna blow, Incendio, Who-a-a.

Save the world, but we don't brag, brag,
Dealin' with Dementors is a drag, drag,
Got that House Cup in the bag, bag,
Let haters hate, Obliviate, He-e-ey.

Get those snitches gonna get those snitches

Bitch, I got that Gryffindor Swag, Swag,
Wavin' high my crimson gold flag, flag,
You know my Patronus is a stag, stag,
We finna blow, Incendio, Who-a-a.

Save the world, but we don't brag, brag,
Dealin' with Dementors is a drag, drag,
Got that House Cup in the bag, bag,
Let haters hate, Obliviate, He-e-ey.